Did you know that blaming your partner can actually become an addiction? It’s a habit you and your partner can get hooked on, and one that slowly drains the vital energy from your relationship. That’s why we call blame “the cocaine of relationships.” It may even be more dangerous, because we often don’t know we are doing it, and we definitely don’t realize how bad it is for our bodies and souls. It works even faster than cocaine – creating an instant jolt in our bodies that is “covering up” the real issues. It “feels good” in the moment, but its self-perpetuating cycle makes it impossible for intimacy and connection.
Here’s how it works:
Addictions Are Ineffective Coping Mechanisms. When you engage in overeating, gambling, excessive spending, or any type of drug addiction, several things are at play: First, the addiction serves as a distraction: you’re numbing out and not being present in the moment in an attempt to avoid facing the real underlying issue. At the same time, you get a “rush” of adrenaline every time you engage in the addiction. The stress hormone adrenaline is secreted in your body when we feel strong emotions such as anger, triggering the “flight or fight response.” Your body is fired up, and that can feel good. The problem with adrenaline is that it makes you feel alive… but only for a short while.
Once the feeling wears off, it’s back to being down again – face to face with the underlying demons. You need a fast and powerful “fix,” or the demons feel like they will eat you alive. So you engage in more addiction, creating a vicious cycle that ultimately results in more pain.